Sunday, July 17, 2005
An Objective Analysis Of Rice Eaters
1. Nobody likes them, their persistence in sticking with ridiculous Dip Sung traditions has rendered them socially inept to catch up with today's pushy trends, heartpounding fashion, and catchy comebacks.
2. As stated above, the average Asian is a social retard. Beneath their ugly exterior is a very uncharismatic dermis of dorkitude. They encourage laughter with their cowardly and shrill voices, while the provoking eyes of animosity stare in snubby scrutiny.
3. Asians are very prone to bragging. As soon as your parents invite them over and ask him about his academic performance, he'll go fucking nuts, blabbering about his 3.99 GPA and his kickassed Kung Pao strictly-Asian scholarship. Then his bucktoothed mom and dad bang on the window until it breaks, loudly sugarcoating Hay Poo's "subpar" scholarly statistics and offering bad advice to your parents in order to motivate you to improve yourself, such as locking you in a underground dungeon next to a stinkin' septic tank with nothing but poorly translated English-To-Chinese dialogues of irrelevant school subjects to sharpen up on.
4. A Asian male's internet persona is a spineless sniveling slug online. Those who call you a "gay faggot" after rushing your ass 2 minutes during a casual game of StarCraft are... you guessed it, Asian! Because a Asian male thinks that his precious pasty face is shielded by his monitor, he believes that if he can't reign as king of the real world, he'll become the Overlord Administrator of the messageboard for whatever klan he is affiliated with. Here, in this imaginary digital backwater settlement populated by no more than 2 active users, slant-eyed netizens can have profane verbal feuds on basis of gameplay skill and ethnicity.
5. An Asian friend is like your personal buttkisser. He will only say things you want to hear him saying, like, "I Rike My Flied Lice!", because your his only "friend" and "study buddy". It would certainly break his frail heart if you ever deserted him.
Commonly Defined Characteristics Of Asian Female Younglings
1. Sensational sex magnet for lonely, white, fat kids.2. Carries a studded leather purse containing a pink cellphone with every single damn geeky horny grommet who wants to "plow her".
3. Can be just as good as, or even surpassing, a Asian male's gaming abilities, thus leaving many challengers demasculinized in a Counter-Strike server, perhaps shamed into exile.
4. Fabulously rich in terms of teenager standards due to the "free" handouts she gets from sucking it down and dogging it up.
5. Hangs out in malls. If not shopping clothes, she strolls around the mall in pre-defined routes suggestively to win over more regular customers.
6. Wears pants and miniskirts with a zipper in the rump for "easy backdoor access".
7. Keeps said pants and skirt below the waistline to show off her single-thread thong.
8. Prefers the company of Rice Boys and charms them to hitch free rides on their loud, obnoxious, and eye-vomiting but notice-able rice rockets.
9. By pretending to be a Rice Boy's "biatch", she can easily manipulate him as a cheap form of transportation across town to earn even more "business connections".
10. Asian Skank Catfights are a trendy pasttime for today's urban youth. The mere spectacle of seeing two slant-eyes slugging it out with iron-studded purses incites bet-taking.
General Characteristics of All Asians
1. Asians usually have serious problems getting along with each other. Had you ever seen a Chinaboss promote a Chinaslave? Or a seen one mercifully let off another asian worker from being laid off? Natural selection is apparantly a seriously embraced methodology for all chinks, not that it was taught to us when we are young, but we pre-programmed in our minds genetically.
2. Asians are very confident in what they know, even if its incorrect knowledge. Try to tell your slant-eyed father that his bullshit theory on converting batshit into a food substitute is wrong, and you'll recieve a hard thwack on your forehead. Gooks also have pre-programmed inferity complex algorithms in our thick-minds as well, in other words, theyhate being wrong!
3. Asians will be at each other's throats in seconds if given an opportunity to excel above the competition.
4. [Unfinished]
# posted by Angry Asian Rebel @ 12:58 AM 
